The Power Style of Female Leaders

From Accommodative to Assertive — Without Losing Authenticity

When I work with female leaders (whether in hierarchical roles or in lateral leadership) I notice a recurring theme: many have developed a highly accommodative leadership style. They listen, they include, they balance. This strength is often what has enabled them to thrive in complex environments.

But there’s also a shadow side.
Accommodative leaders sometimes struggle to stand up for themselves, their goals, and their teams. They hesitate to push back when others try to steer them in a direction they don’t believe in. They hold back their opinion when louder voices dominate the room. Too often, they step aside — not because they lack competence, but because they’ve learned to prioritize harmony over clarity.

Recognizing Your Power Style

Leadership isn’t about pleasing everyone. It’s about empowering others — without losing yourself in the process.

Assertiveness is often misunderstood. It is not aggression. Assertiveness means being able to stand up for yourself and what matters to you — clearly, respectfully, and with intention.

Most female leaders know this distinction in theory. The real challenge is moving from knowing to doing — from intellectual understanding to applying assertiveness in high-stakes situations.

From Knowledge to Practice

That’s why coaching and mentoring matter. Together, we look at concrete moments:

• How do you communicate your position when challenged?
• Do you push back or let yourself be steered away from your priorities?
• How do you stand up for your team when they’re overlooked?
• Where are the situations in which you’re easily thrown off guard?

By observing and reflecting on these moments, female leaders begin to see patterns. They practice new responses. They strengthen their ability to speak with clarity, to defend what matters, and to show up with authority — without losing authenticity.

The Shift That Happens

Something remarkable occurs once female leaders learn to balance between accommodative and assertive:

• They stop being derailed by louder voices.
• They are respected — not for being aggressive, but for being clear.
• They lead with integrity, authenticity, and intention.

One of my guests in the Quite A Girl Podcast summed it up powerfully:

“The day I stopped waiting to be invited into the conversation and simply stated my point, I wasn’t seen as difficult. I was seen as decisive.”

A Call to Female Leaders

If this resonates with you, here’s what I want you to remember:
Leadership isn’t about overpowering others, nor about disappearing into accommodation. It’s about finding the courage to shift into assertiveness when the situation requires it while still empowering others and staying true to yourself.

For those who would like to hear more stories and experiences, I recommend my Quite a Girl podcast (in German). On YouTube, you can also enable auto-translation if you prefer to listen in another language.

About the Author

Brigitte Pfeifer-Schmöller is Managing Partner of Product Leaders, where she develops leaders in digital product organizations — through certified product leadership programs (CPL-1®), coaching, and her specialty: conflict work, from diagnostics to business mediation. ICF PCC · EMCC SP.
→ Read more at productleaders.com | Connect with her on LinkedIn